Becoming Her: The Raw & Real of My First Year as a Mom

Motherhood doesn’t just change your life—it changes who you are.

In this deeply personal episode of Raising Hustle, I share what my first year as a mom has really been like—the identity shift, the relationship challenges, the body changes, the business pivots, and the emotional moments no one prepares you for.

This is an honest, heart-led conversation about:

• Letting go of who you used to be
• Navigating resentment and rebuilding connection
• Learning to accept your new body
• Growing into motherhood when bonding isn’t instant
• Finding a new rhythm for your business and your life

If you’re in your first year of motherhood (or remembering it), this episode is your reminder: You’re not broken—you’re becoming. 💛

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This episode is sponsored by FM Bookkeeping 💛

FM Bookkeeping exists to empower business owners and give them peace of mind around their finances. We believe you deserve clarity, confidence, and support—without shame, judgment, or overwhelm.

Whether you’re behind, confused, or just tired of carrying the mental load of your numbers, FM Bookkeeping is here to help you feel grounded and in control again.

If you’re ready to stop stressing about your books and start feeling supported, visit:

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:03

Welcome to Raising Hustle, the unfiltered podcast for the moms who are building empires with babies on their hips and grits in their hearts. I'm your host, Mariel Fry, bookkeeper by trade, hustler by nature, and mama by choice. Around here we're raising kids, raising hell, and raising the bar. If you're tired of choosing between nap time and next level dreams, this is your space. Let's redefine what it means to have it all on our own damn terms. Hey hustlers and mamas, welcome back to Raising Hustle, the podcast where we embrace both the chaos of motherhood and the courage of entrepreneurship. Today's episode is quite personal to me. I'm sharing what it's really been like transitioning into being a first-time mom, the highs, the lows, and everything in between. From navigating resentment in my relationship to adjusting to my new body, to finding ways to still show up for my business, consider this the big sister talk that I really wish I had. So the first part of today's episode, I really want to talk about the identity shift. Because this is huge, mamas, and any soon-to-be mamas, or any thinking about it, mamas. Your life before a baby is so different. Your freedom, right? I say that's a big one for mamas, because I have to pay for my freedom. Unless you have family who is happy to help at any fleeing moment, you just don't have freedom. And I think from, you know, a man's perspective, their life doesn't change all that much versus a woman's life. And so it is a very emotional change because the freedom you used to have no longer exists. And it's not fun, right? It's not fun to, especially as a first-time mom, to go from this carefree, amazing life, doing whatever you please, to now you are with the baby all the time. And so if you are a full-time mama and you work full-time, it is still hard because you still don't have the freedom, right? You still are working that nine to five where you have to take the baby to daycare. There's not much wiggle room for you, especially if you commute. And so with that, it really is letting go of the version that you used to be. I think I mourned a lot of this during pregnancy anxiety, where I mourned my old self tremendously. I mourned who I used to be. So when I came almost into a butterfly of this new version of myself, I knew that I would be okay. It was scary. And not having the baby before was very, very, very scary to me. But I let go of that girl who I used to be. She's dead and gone. But it doesn't mean that I'm not reborn into something better, stronger, more confident. But that comes with breakdowns and tears and stress and uncertainty every day. I know with my business, I have imposter syndrome. I think we all do to a certain level. That imposter syndrome in business is just as much in motherhood. So just know that those two feelings are very similar in both worlds. But really, the biggest thing I've learned is trying to figure out my new normal. I wrote some blog posts about this, but my life pre-pregnancy, it was pretty standard. The gym, dog for a walk, shower, breakfast, and hitting the ground running on my business. No two days are the same in my business, just as much as no two days are the same in motherhood, especially if you are home with your little, every day is a different day. It's a new journey, it's a new milestone, just as much as my business, where I have hit major milestones and I've been excited to have goals and to write them down. And I would say same for motherhood, right? It's writing the goals almost and tracking them to a certain level. But knowing that I still am me, but I am entering a new normal of life. And I want you to know, mamas, that it's not dead and gone. You, old life might be dead and gone, but you are still you. It's just a different version of you. And so when I say dead and gone, it's almost killing that old version of who you are to become so much more. And your new normal is very different. And you are doing things in between nap times. You are trying to do the little laundry or maybe cook some food, prep dinner, whatever it is. You're trying to fit it in a little time frame that you have. Because the statistic goes, mothers typically have an hour or less a day for themselves. And the one thing I've prioritized in my new normal that I've kept from my old life is the gym. It's something that makes me feel really confident and really good. And it makes me feel strong and excited. And I love that I can still maintain that with the support of my husband because he could be home with the baby. And so I do think having that right partner really truly helps. Because really, mamas, it really isn't just, you know, it's adding a title, right? I can add a title of being an owner or an entrepreneur. But this is a rebirth of you. And this is a new beginning. When your daughter or son comes into the world, you are entering this new chapter. You are entering this new beginning. And you can write your own story and your childhood for your child. And that's a really beautiful thing. I really want to go into the next part. When we I talk about resentment and relationships, I never thought about resentment in my marriage. I love my husband, but I'd be damned if I told you I wasn't a little bit resentful. He didn't carry a baby for 10 months. He didn't birth a baby. He didn't have to write feed the baby. Now, mind you, I did formulas so my husband fed. But he didn't have to think about any of the things that I thought about. I carry the mental load. I schedule the appointments. I do the food shopping. I cook. I do a lot of this. When I tell my husband to do something, he'll do it, but he doesn't think much further than that. And I'm not sure if that's a fault to the species of men or males, but it's a very frustrating thing where my husband can take a shower for 20 minutes and not think about the baby. Or when my husband goes out all day, he doesn't think on or track his time. I have to track my time all the time. And that's really, really stressful because this is 24-7 for me. Having a child is 24-7, 365, and 366 on a leap year. But the emotional and mental load that I feel that my husband doesn't feel and the resentment really frustrated me. And I had to get out of my own thoughts to think, well, my husband is busy with other things and he started a business and it's very stressful. But is my husband there when I need him? Yeah. At the end of the day, when I need my husband there, I need him there. And so I find that really important to have so much communication with your partner. Because if you don't, it will ruin you. It will literally ruin you. Because sitting in silence doesn't do good for anybody. I used to be silent and then I'd blow up and get angry. And my husband would wonder, why are you angry? Because I didn't know how to communicate with my husband. I didn't know how to ask for the help. I think as moms, we struggle to ask for that help. And if this is a permission slip you need, I want you to know, ask for the help. Get the help you need. Whether it's a therapist, whether it's cleaners, whether it's babysitters, whatever that looks like to you, the help is everything. I know one of the things I did early on was hire cleaners. Now I do cleaners twice a month, but I also hired Mommy Minute with Liz Donovan, who's the owner. And she would just come and tidy and make my house just feel clean and tidied and organized. And that was helpful. Right. So find the thing that fills you with joy so you're not angry with your husband if you can afford it, right? I think money is a huge factor into this, but you don't want your relationship to suffer over something that you could have communicated. Because really, I had to find my voice in this, mamas and hustlers. Finding your voice as a woman is already challenging. Now finding your voice as a woman with a child is even more challenging because that baby needs you all the time. I know my son, when I put him down for a second, he cries. He wants my attention constantly, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. It is so hard. And I have realized I've had to sh like communicate and just be very upfront and vocal and I'm blunt. But more importantly, I've started to hold boundaries. I used to be very kind to everybody, anyone and everyone. But as I've had post-baby clarity, I've really put boundaries in place with a lot of people because people say they're going to help you and they're not really there. And it's the silent people who you don't expect to help you do. And so with your relationship, I just want you to know that you need to speak up if something's not right. It's not okay to stay silent. And your partner can't guess, right? We're not psychics, we're not mediums, we can't go into a crystal ball. If something bothers you, communicate it. I know I have a mentor, like a mommy mentor. And one of the best pieces of advice she told me was find your communication style. So with my husband, I started to, she said, try texting. And I would text him lists, I would text him dates, I would write him calendar invites. Whatever I could to communicate when something was wrong, I communicated it. And that has helped. Is it perfect? Absolutely not. But it'd certainly help. I just knew deep down, though, when we talk about resentment, I did feel like I had to do it all. And so being able to communicate my needs and my thoughts properly really, truly, truly helped me. I really want to talk about your bodies, mamas, because your body did something incredible to create a human. And I always hold space for the mamas that want and crave and desire a child for that experience. And so I hold space for you right here and right now. But to any mama that carried baby, babies, multiple babies, maybe twin babies, our bodies went through something incredible to create life. And we in society love to obsess over a baby belly. But as soon as the baby's out, oh, we got to bounce back. And that's just, it's a comeback, not a bounce back. We are coming back from something traumatic that our bodies went through. However, that baby got out, right? My husband and I laughed. The OBs would always ask us for a birth plan. And my husband would say, get the baby out. Whatever we had to do to get the baby out was the plan. My doula recommended preferences, which is what I highly recommend to each and every one of you listening to this. Having birth preferences made a huge difference. And so with that, it's holding power over your own body, which is really, really challenging because we go through so many changes in our body, right? We go from conceiving, which can be a challenge for many, to being pregnant and going through every trimester. And every trimester has their perks and downfalls. For a lot of women, first trimester, you're tired. I know for me, I was exhausted. Your second trimester is the honeymoon. You have the cute bump, you feel good, you have energy. And then once you creep into really the, I say the 34 to 36 week mark, that's when it gets real. And I struggled with the sleep. And then the baby comes, right? And you get the baby blues, which is what I did. And then a little bit of postpartum, of course. Um, I think nowadays we have a word and a term for it. Back then they didn't, but today in today's society, we do. And the sleep deprivation is real. I was tired pregnant. I was tired after the baby when it didn't sleep. And that is a very, very big challenge. And the biggest thing I've had to learn through this entire progress is to love my body, love my body what it did, and to give myself the rest that I deserved because you know your body better than anybody else. And so I knew I hired a pelvic floor therapist. Um, shout out to Break Free in Charleston. And I absolutely love their clinic and what they do. And the biggest thing I learned from them is the takeaway of breathing during birth and labor and delivery, but also the postpartum and to give yourself that rest. A lot of OBs will tell you six weeks, they check you for two seconds, which is what my OB did and said, you're good, you're clear, do what you want. That's not good enough, mamas. That is the bare, bare, bear, bear, bare minimum. Going to a pelvic floor, they're able to identify any bigger issues like dialys recti or any pelvic pain or just any symptoms you might have. And I gave myself a month of yoga to kind of ease my way into hit. Then at the 11, 12 weeks, I kind of went back. It's another follow-up. I said, How do I look? And they said, honestly, I think you're really good to go now. So I'm not a doctor. I never will say I'm one, but giving myself true gentle time to recover has allowed me to level up, right? And I know we talked about the bounce back. It doesn't exist, right? It's really a comeback where I feel stronger and more confident and better in my body than I ever felt. And yeah, maybe I'm a little bit bigger. I've lost probably 90 to 95% of my body, the weight from my pregnancy. And I feel oh I feel good. You know, I feel strong. And that's really what matters. And I think thinking about this, I look at my body as this beautiful thing that's created a human being that came out of my body, that grew in my body. And I've learned to love this body, adore this body, say thank you to this body. And so for anyone really struggling with this, take care of your body. Because we always talk about, well, I would die for my kid. Well, wouldn't you want to live for your kid? Wouldn't you want to go to the gym and eat the healthy foods? Wouldn't you want to fight harder than you've ever fought in your life to be around for the long haul for this beautiful child and to see them grow up, not just in baby phase, not just toddler, and hopefully not just teen, to go to college, to see them get married, one day own a home, potentially have kids. Don't you want to see that through as much as you can? I do. I'm fighting for my health all the time, but I'm not fighting in a way that's mean or cruel. I'm giving myself grace to do the best I can every day and to allow myself movement that feels good to me. And I hope you, mamas, hustlers, soon-to-be mamas, really do the same for you. I want to go into bonding with your baby. Now, this is massive pressure. And I had one of my referral partners give me advice of if you're not close to your newborn, that's very normal. And I that stuck with me hard because I did not bond with my baby initially. It took me a while, like a long time. Like I feel at least four to six months before I felt very close to my son. And when they're newborns, they're kind of blobs. I used to joke like an alien, but they're blobs and they're hungry and they sleep and there's no emotion. And you feel like, well, what did I do? You just feel very crazy. And it was just really challenging. I was not a mom that babysat. I never worked at a daycare. I never worked as a camp counselor. I never was around children. I never changed a diaper before my son. I never bathed a baby before my son. I never did any kid baby things before my son. And so, for any potential mom who's thinking about having kids who'd never had that experience, truly it's maternal. You know, I hired a night nurse consultant and she was worth every penny to help me bathe a baby, feed a baby, and to pick boogies, do all the things with a baby and swaddle and so much more. And so I want you to know that your maternal instincts truly kick in when you become a mom. And this is from someone who, like I said, never, ever, ever, ever dealt with kids. So I just want you to know that's very normal. And so that relationship with your child and you learn grows over time. Because with repetition and practice comes confidence. And going into my business, very similar. The more I did something, the better I got. And I think there's some quote out there that says if you do over 10,000 hours of something, you're like a creative genius, right? When you continue to do repetition and you continue to practice constantly, you get better at your craft and you're more refined and specialized. And that's the same with a baby. The more I bathed him and fed him and cleaned bottles and took care of him and went out the house with him and got his diaper bag and planned things with him, the more confident I felt. And that takes time, mamas. And if you want the first time to do something, have somebody around. And then as you continue to do it again and again and again and again and again, you will get more confident in that. And so that really helped me a lot. And once I got to see my son smile and giggle and laugh, and I got to feed him and he had sat up and had a personality. He's so fun. He's so much fun. But that really took time. You know, Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither will the love for your baby. The more you continue to nourish and grow like a garden, the more it will grow and be fruitful and flourish. And so I just want you to know, Mamas, that that thought, it's very normal. Um, if no one's told you that already, I'm giving you the permission to say it's normal. It's okay if you don't feel that initially. And it could take time. Who knows how much time? It could take two weeks, two months, six months. I can't tell you that. But I know in the beginning of the newborn phase, that is very, very normal. But speaking about what I mentioned earlier about getting out of the house, this is super important because sitting in the home all day with your baby, even as a homebody, will make you crazy and it will make the baby crazy. I know for me, I try as soon as I the baby was maybe nine, 10 weeks old, I did postpartum support groups, I found mom's clubs, I found other moms. I did whatever I could to find moms who were in the same season of life. And so to get out of the house is so important. When my mom was here, we I had a diaper bag. And so my mom had me write a list of all the things that need to be in the diaper bag. Obviously, diapers, wipes, I had a first aid kit. I kept formula bottles kind of prepared with formula, but then I would make sure the bottles were in there so I can just put water in. I had some toys, burp cloths, I had a changing pad, I had extra clothes, maybe some water sometimes, just boogie things, pacifiers, hand sanitizer, just to be prepared. And again, the more I did that and checked, the more confident I felt to maybe not look as much. But I always wanted to make sure that I had a system. And I knew that if, let's say in the morning my son woke up and got fed and changed, I knew I could have two and a half to three hours to go out with him and he wouldn't be muchy and he wouldn't cry. And then I knew I wanted to get back so then he could nap, right? And this is not a perfect schedule for anybody, but I would have him nap in the car sometimes. And honestly, that was okay. That's not perfect, but sometimes a car nap is very necessary so you can get some peace. And that's when maybe I'd make a phone call to a client or a referral partner, or maybe I'd call my mom just to check in to see how she's doing. So that was like me time in a way. And so really, when I think about this with a mindset, I think the reality is you have to just kind of plan accordingly and know that you be prepared, be planned, but shit's gonna hit the fan. And you have to be understanding that you can be in control, but you also have to let go of control. And you have to know that if something happens to the baby or a diaper change or whatever, you're just prepared for anything. And it's just kind of letting the punches roll, right? I think if you're a type A entrepreneur, and I can be, you like things done particularly and in a certain way. But the reality is with the baby, that is more than likely not going to be the case. You are not gonna have a perfect day. Something wrong is going to happen that you're not even gonna have any idea about. You just have to be prepared and really be a problem solver quickly. And in my business, it's the same thing. If there's a problem, I figure out a way to quickly solve it. Same with my child. If he's sick, I figure out the medicine to get. If he cries, is it a diaper change? Do I need to feed? If there's something on my team or a client's telling me something's wrong, we adjust and fix accordingly. And so it really is a mindset to know like you are capable of anything, but you have to believe it within yourself. Because I can't sit here and tell you you got this if you don't feel you got this. You need to tell yourself you got this, you can do this. And that's really hard, mamas. It's really hard. Again, this is a marathon, not a sprint. And it will take you tremendous time to get into this new normal of your life with planning and trying to figure out a routine or a rhythm or time block, whatever work. For you. It really truly takes time. But I will tell you, getting out of the house and meeting with other moms or just going to the grocery store, right? Getting out of the house with your baby, my son smiles at the grocery store all the time. And it's incredible how happy he is constantly. And it's not ever the perfect time frame or, you know, situation, but you make the most of it. And I'm just very encouraging of you to definitely get out of the house and also to do something for you in general, too. But I also want to just briefly mention my business because I my business was my baby before my baby, right? And, you know, my podcast is called Raising Hustle, but I am hustling differently now than I did previously. Growing up in the New Jersey, New York, Connecticut area, hustle is a grind. It's grit, it's dirty, it's raw, it's real. And you are just in it, trying to get ahead, trying to do the hamster wheel of survival. But what I've learned when it comes to growing my business and hustling, I had to hustle a little bit in the beginning. I think any new business, you have to have a little bit of grit and get dirty. But you don't need to do that forever. That's not the point of having your own business. It's hustling with a different mindset. And I always tell anybody your first year of business is your foundation year. It's the year that you probably need to get the most dirty in your business. But I would tell you before you get dirty, get clarity on your business, who you are, what you sell, target audience, and what kind of service and problem are you really solving for somebody. Right. As a bookkeeper, my, you know, the problem a lot of my clients have is I have messy books or not organized. I need things organized for tax time. And my solution to my business is helping you get organized, helping you look at your numbers to empower you to make better decisions. And so I found that need, right? And for other people to want to purchase, right? And be my client. And so I embracing things differently now than I did when I started my business. I have, you know, dedicated days and times where I take discovery calls and meetings, but I'm also with my child and I'm able to integrate my life beautifully because I've set up certain systems and they're not perfect, but I can tell you that they work and I feel aligned with my energy and what I'm trying to achieve. Because the biggest thing I've learned is I batch a lot. Like I mentioned, when he naps, my son naps, I will work for that hour. Does that mean I give up cleaning or cooking or other things? Heck yeah. My house isn't clean. I hire cleaners. I don't like cleaning. And I will tell you, outsourcing is so important in your personal life and professional life. Something has to give mamas because we cannot do it all. It truly takes a village, but nowadays that village doesn't exist. So I believe in the transactional village because we have to pay, especially not living near family or having any help. You're paying. You're paying for somebody to clean your house. You're paying for someone to watch your child. And so I try to make my life work with having some babysitters, but working when my son naps to get things done or cleaning out a closet, right? There is no real structure, quote unquote. It's just fitting it in where I can and how to make the most of it. Because really, what I've learned since having my business and my son, I've learned to appreciate time and to slow down a little bit, right? And it's this idea that I only go to networking events that feel aligned to me. I only meet with referral partners that I feel good about. I've learned the first from the first year of business to weed the to learn, right? Who are my best referral partners? Who are my best source of, you know, potential clients to make income? And I didn't know that until I hustled, right, to a certain point and got to meet people. But now I'm in a good place in my business where I'm aligning with events in my energy that feel right. One of the things I've personally done is human design. I am a peer generator. And so if you don't know about human design, I'd highly recommend looking into it and you could pull up a free chart. All you need is your date of birth and your location and the time. But knowing your human design and using Chat GBT can help you understand the kind of life you want, the kind of schedule that works well for you, just how you see yourself. And I have to tell you, learning my human design and putting some information in Chat GBT has taught me the kind of schedule I want, the life I want, and so much more. It's really helped me feel really good about what I'm doing. And I feel I'm in a really solid place to try to help others to get to that point where mamas, you can make money being a stay-at-home mom. Your shot to success. There is no linear way. I've had plenty of failures. But just know that it is possible if you set your mind to it. Because really, mamas, this season of life, it's fucking hard.

SPEAKER_00 27:15

But I will tell you, I do see you. I see you working hard. I see you cleaning and doing the dishes. I see you trying to look good. I see you bathing the baby. I see you feeding the baby. I see you struggling to go out. I see you everywhere.

SPEAKER_01 27:32

And just because you're a mama now doesn't mean you're not the person that you were before. Again, you're different, but you still are who you are. And that ambition, those desires, those dreams and those goals don't just die. They're still there. But it is finding a new rhythm of what that looks like, right? And just because one of the things I think about, and this sounds a little morbid, but it's my eulogy. I think about if I were to die tomorrow, how would people remember me? And so when I think about this, we can do it all, but in what season of life? And if you have really littles and maybe you don't have as much help, it may be a bit more challenging to work on your goals. But it doesn't mean that you stop. You can work with them for an hour a day, 10 minutes a day, whatever time you can dedicate to figure out what that looks like for you, I will always encourage any mom to work, even if it's for 10 hours a week part-time. Whatever that looks like to you, to feel like you're learning and making money and doing something, I'm totally for this. Because really, motherhood just truly changed me in ways I never thought it would. Really, I never expected to be a mom. I've laughed forever. I would never be married and have kids, and here I am. Because I do mourn my own life. I mourn the vacations I took, I mourn the life I have and the dinners my husband and I spontaneously did. But I am proud of who I am now. I'm very proud to have a business. I'm proud to be a wife, and I'm proud to be a mom. Because I really, mamas, if you are a new mama or truly about to be a new mama, know that you're allowed to feel all the feels. Sad, happy, anxious, excited, scared. You're allowed to feel everything. Because really, there's no right way in doing this with being a mama. There is no right way. My friend and I laugh. We talk about trial and error. It is trial and error. And the mom shaming has got to go in 2025 and beyond. Because it's not fun to mom shame. It's not fun to judge another mom. It can be, you know, look, I think at the end of the day, we all are a little judgmental. But to moms, now that I know what I know, I couldn't imagine judging a mom. It is so hard. It is so tough. It is so challenging. But what I'm gonna tell you, mamas, is this you are doing way better than you think. And if no one's told you I'm proud of you today, I'm fucking proud of you today. You have lived another day of making it through a temper tantrum, a diaper blowout, absolute spit up, throw up. Whatever it is, you're making it, you're doing it. And I am so proud of you. So have that pride within yourself and tell yourself every day, I'm proud of me. You can do this, I can do this, I'm trying my best, I'm doing my best. I know you can do hard things. Having a child is really hard. And if you can raise a child, like birth a child, raise a child, you are limitless. I'm proud of you, mama. Keep going. You got this. This is just the beginning. Subscribe now to Raising Hustle and get ready for raw stories, real talk, and unapologetic ambition. We're showing up messy, loud, and all in. Because success doesn't wait for quiet. Let's raise our voices, our businesses, and our babies together.